I don’t know why I always write about love. I’m not in love. And I don’t really have anyone now. I guess I just like to feel like I am. Or maybe when I find the right person at the right time, I would say these things to them. Is it weird that I crave love? For now, I just need to be focusing on myself more than anything. 

I’m not gonna love you because you have the nicest body, or incredibly popular, or because you have nice clothes. I’m not gonna fall for you because every girl wants you. I’m not gonna like you because everyone talks about you. I’m not gonna like you because you’re easy to get. I’m not gonna like you because you’re easily turned on. I’m not gonna gonna like you because you’re the “it” guy.

But I can tell you what I will do.

I’m gonna like you because you’re there for me. I’m gonna like you because you were there when all my other so-called friends weren’t. I’m gonna be there because maybe the last guy was the last person to desert me, but you’ll never desert me. I’m gonna be there because you enjoy the simplicity in things. I’m gonna be there because you don’t compare. I’m gonna be there because you absolutely trust me, and therefore, I absolutely trust you. I’m gonna be there because in one big room (full of beautiful girls), it’s only me you see. I’m gonna be there because I can stand texting you all the time, long-distance, even if I absolutely hate texting. I’m gonna be there despite your imperfections. I will be there when there’s no one else left. You will be my number one priority. You will be mine. We will be together, always. And I’m gonna love you because it’s you, it’s always been.

It’s such a weird thought to imagine someone thinking about me. I do this all the time. I go through my day and there would always be serval things that would make me think about certain people—whether it would be someone I know dearly or someone I haven’t seen/talked to in ages. Maybe I’d even talk about them to someone or even hit them up directly to tell them I’ve been thinking about them. I’ve always wondered if people remember me? Am I really as insignificant as I feel?

You can be in a subway packed with people, yet you will still feel lonely. Loneliness is not perceived as a physical accompaniment, but rather a form of mental illness. Intelligent people will label this phenomenon as depression. Why? Because you’re down. You’re feeling down. You wake up every morning to go to school and you will ask yourself: “Why bother?” You’re down. You watch TV one night and you are not flipping the channel; you are not paying attention to what is going on. You’re down. You do not get up from your bed, from your couch; you do not plan on stepping outside that day, the next day, the entire week. You’re down. Then you begin asking yourself why should you even go on? It’s suicide.